by Ed Kersten

NFL season is finally here 

Happens only once a year.

Oversize players

In protective layers

Listening to fanatics cheer.

The NFL makes the rules,

Officials use them as tools,

To play the game right

So there’s never a fight.

If we believe that we are fools.

Calling signals is quite a skill,

Just like folks on Capitol Hill.

They sound incoherent,

And they are, it’s apparent,

For the ball is fumbled at will.

The men on the line take a beating

And they also do so much eating.

Their bulk is a cushion

That takes lots of pushin’

To keep the team from retreating.

Quality pigskins cost a lot,

Only one is what piggie’s got.

Fill it up with quality air,

Then keep it soft, if you dare,

And pass it quickly, while its hot.

The toughest job is quarterback,

He’s the one who gets the sack.

No, it’s not to carry stuff,

Just being it is quite enough 

Until he gets his cornerback.

 Speaking of backs, there are a few.

One is full, and half are two,

One makes the call

And one takes the ball

And runs like crazy, wouldn’t you?

Fumbles are a part of the game,

One too many, and “what’s his name?”

Is suddenly gone

To some other lawn

Where he may still find his fame.

Football has downs that add to four,

Sometimes less, but never more.

But the ups do not count

However quickly they mount

As players get up and try to score.

22 men line up in formation

Face each other in confrontation

Contact is sure

Motives are pure,

Time to change to a music station.

Team names are often funny

But none will dare use “Honey.”

The hornets don’t care

They play for Eau Claire

And they don’t have any money.

Redskins are peanuts made for brittle.

A sweet idea, just a little?

Washington may reject,

Unless they now reflect

And the team will no longer diddle.

Chicago has its bears

But nobody really cares.

If they ever succeed

Soldier Field will need

Not so many empty chairs. 

Chargers sounds like finance

Whose team will take a chance,

Like San Diego will do

By going for two

As into the end zone they dance.

New York has its famous Jets

And now they’re hedging all bets

That they’ll win now and then

By one point or ten

So take whatever she gets.

Oakland Raiders are really good,

Learned it in the neighborhood.

First and ten on the twenty

Gained with mayhem aplenty

Just like the tough players should.

When, oh when will it ever end?

On Super Bowl Sunday, my friend.

The best teams will clash,

And it’s all done for cash

Their wives know how to spend.

When the Saints come marching in,

The game will soon begin.

They will burst into song

When the kickoff is long

And this is New Orleans’ to win?

Football games can be great fun,

But never leave one ’til its done.

A run, a pass, a fumbled ball,

A field goal, or an off-side call.

And as usual, our team won!

Sunday used to be for church

But now you need not even search

To find the most devoted crowd

That’s wide awake and very loud 

Who left the preacher in the lurch.

To read the many other Kersten limericks, 
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